The Response

Dear Miss,
I read your letter and I would like to say
Being a guy is not all fun and games.
Guys have to always be fit and buff
So we can prove our masculinity or be attractive
To the fairer sex.
We have to wear the perfect cologne so we always smell nice.
We have to balance being strong with being sensitive.
Do you know how hard that is, knowing when to comfort
And when to get all cute and defensive?
We have to constantly "prove" ourselves in all these
LITTLE ways.
And we always get blamed for being immature,
regardless of how we act.
Those hormones we have raging through us,
from puberty on out, makes us prone to stupidity.
Our sex drive is a double-edged sword!
So, Miss, it really isn't easy being a guy.

Alright, I know.  It's not the best possible response I could have written.  But you'll have to excuse my not being a guy, eh?  :D

She saved my life and I hated her for it.   I didn't really want to die.  And I didn't really feel like living.  I was just floating along, lost in the haze of my life.  Then she walked into my life and everything changed.  And if I seem bitter, it's because I am.  It wasn't any sort of instant attraction.  I don't even love her.  She certainly doesn't love me.  You could probably argue that, before her, my life was a downward spiral.  Somehow she managed to badger me into doing something productive.  And it all started with a swift kick in my ass.

As he sat huddled by the fire, shivering in his totally inadequate windbreaker, Frank wondered, once again, why he'd let his friends talk him into such a hairbrained scheme.  He was cold and he was cranky and he was the only one awake.  Hell, he was the only one who even seemed to have a problem with their current situation.  "We'll be fine!" they said.  "It's nice out, we'll be plenty warm at night," they said.  "We don't need any gear, we'll live off the land," they said. It was day 3, no food and no gear.  The only reason there was fire was because Frank remembered how to make it from his days in Boy Scouts.  "I'm never letting them talk me into this woodsy, camping, creature hunting crap again!" he muttered, jabbing his stick into the fire viciously.


Okay, so I admit, I honestly hadn't thought about what I wanted to write for either of those.  I think the first came out better than the second.  But a valiant effort for both, in my opinion.